My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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