Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
