walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
