I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize