Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
