My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
