so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
