My room smells like vodka and shame
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
