hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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