apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
