I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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