bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
