sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
