was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
