The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
