is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
