hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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