Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So many bounce houses so little time
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
