why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
