someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
