I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
