ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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