and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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