grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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