I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
