No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
