Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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