Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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