Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
