I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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