Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
