She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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