$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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