Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
