I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
