You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
