it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
