There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
