Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
