she looked like the before picture.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
