Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
