He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
