More tranny stories later!
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
