Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
