I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
