____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
where am i from again
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.