Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
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She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
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Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day