doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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