I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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