Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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