she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
