Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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