In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
