I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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