I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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