have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why is there bacon in the couch?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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