I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
