tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
