the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
