I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
