Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
