i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize