I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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