Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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