I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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